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Should I Take My Ex Back?

Dealing With Heartache: Should I Take My Ex Back?

It’s an old, old question. How do we cure ourselves of heartache? 

Unfortunately, there is no easy way to deal with it. There is no magic medicine to take the pain away. There is no quick fix, nor is the fix inviting an ex back. It won’t heal the hurt, as it would only help momentarily, then the vulnerability comes in and you find yourself wondering if they are going to hurt you again. Can you trust them with your heart? So many questions and no definitive answer to any of them.

Let’s look at a relationship breakdown first and foremost. Remember, this is a form of grief, so the same rules do apply to a degree. You cannot go round it, under or over it, you have to go through it.  It will hurt, but if you heal by ten seconds a day, those seconds soon mount up. 

The secret is to keep yourself busy and distracted with other things.  As in any grief, you have to ensure that you do a lot of self-care but do not allow your thoughts to keep wandering. Manage those thoughts; keep a journal of your feelings. You will find over time that it becomes more positive and less negative. 

Don’t torture yourself about what they are doing or who they are with. The truth is you will probably never know, so please just let that go. And if you do find out, what good will it do?

Don’t try to seek them out, not worth the anxiety it causes.

When we are hurt our minds look for answers to try and understand and to heal the hurt, but you will never find all the answers you wish for, nor will you want to hear some of the things that are the truth. Instead, silence the mind with gentle meditations. Silence those ‘head worms’ and replace them with other thoughts. 

Make plans for the future to give yourself something to look forward to. Base your plans on what YOU want, not on ‘what if they come back’. Step into your own power and lead your life, not based on the ex, but based on what you want.

Set yourself small achievable goals each day, or one big one a week. Make them all possible and do it.  That way you feel you are moving forward.

See the positives of the situation, not the negatives. That may sound odd, but as an example I had a friend who was hurting very badly, another major incident happened in her life that made her realise that pining for the man who hurt her was absolutely a waste of energy and it put into perspective for her that life goes on. As it turned out, moving on was far better for her in the long terms.

Remember the positives in life. You wake up every day; you have family and friends that love you more than the person that hurt you does; you have food and a roof over your head.  None of these are a right, all are a blessing.

Remember … positivity attracts positivity.  Likewise with negativity.  Never underestimate this.

Then one day, the ex rocks up with the message ‘Hey’ … what do you do?  The first thing you do is sit down and think.  If you message back, they will take that as you are interested. If you ignore, they will take that as you are not.  

Either way, I would suggest not messaging back immediately, think about it for a while. They are messaging as they are interested and all that ‘unfinished business’ that readers will have told you about is hitting them (or if you have done the energy work that I teach you, there may be another reason).

But what do you do?  Karmic laws are in play here.  If nothing has changed then there is no point in taking them back, so you have to identify what has changed. That can only be found out by communication with them. But for example, say you were in a love triangle. It could be the end of their relationship and now they are free (which is okay if they have healed from the past); or it could be that they have been treated badly themselves and have realised that is what they did to you.  This is workable.

The only way they can prove this is for you to give them a chance to prove that things are different. But, this is a risk for you as you will be worried for your own heartache; you will not trust them with your heart.  Unless you take a chance, then you will never know. 

Life is all about taking opportunities and if you have identified what went wrong, how it has been rectified and what has changed, then it is your free will to give them another chance, but it isn’t something you should do lightly. 

There are two points to make here. I have never identified what it is, but when someone hurts us terribly, there is something in us that breaks, which means they can never hurt us to the same extent again. They can hurt us, but not as badly as the first time. Secondly, what you had before will not be what you have again, it will be different, as it has to be due to the karmic laws, but also due to the fact they destroyed a little bit of the love in the hurt they caused. But different does not always mean bad. It means you have to manage your own expectations of how the relationship can be.

I have said this many times, but with great love comes great heartache for one of you one day. There is no avoiding it for one of you. But just think of the fun you can have if you do manage to sort the relationship out and have your ‘happy forever after’ relationship.

Hope this article helps you come through the heartache and then come to decisions if you take the ex back or not. 

One final point, remember your worth.


Shelly x

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