Love Issues - The Love You Want

People need people and relationships are never easy because we all perceive what is happening in the relationship differently. Communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship, whether it is a love connection, friendship or work relationship.  Without communication we are all guessing what is happening with the other people in our lives and that can be maddening because we read the signals and have no communication to support our assumptions.  It is important to be honest and open with your communication in relationships if you want to have a healthy, happy connection.  Obviously, this is not the only prerequisite to a happy relationship, but it helps build a solid foundation.

When I read clients who have broken up from a relationship with someone and they are wondering if they will get back together, the first question I pose to them is would they want to get back together if the reasons for the break up are still there.  There is often a pause when I ask this question because most of us would not return to a relationship if the things that caused the break up are still relevant.  We all tend to romanticize and make a relationship better in our minds when we have broken up.  We focus on the good points and block out the negative aspects and this often leads us back to a cycle of bad choices in reuniting with someone who is not the person you want them to be or attracting a new person who has a lot of the negative characteristics that pulled you away from your ex. So, it is very important to be clear about what you really want, especially when dealing with exes.

They say we attract people to us through our frontal lobes, but we have to be clear about what and who we want to bring into our lives.  We meet people similar to those of our past because we are dwelling on the person from the past and we draw the same kind of person to us.  Being clear and precise brings you better choices.  For example, you want someone with a great sense of humour, tall, good looking, but you don't emphasize in your mind a non smoker.  Well, you may draw someone to you with all that you want and some of what you don't want.  So, be honest with yourself what you want in a relationship and communicate your needs to others in all relationships, you may find that life runs a lot smoother that way.

Vivian 500544