The age old topic that we give so much of our time and energy to: Love. They say it makes the world go round. It certainly makes the world a very interesting place.
What is love? This is just my humble opinion, but love is more than one emotion. You start by what I call the ‘lust blush love’ and this deepens to a very loving relationship. In that relationship there are a multitude of emotions and actions: compassion, respect, trust, accountability, responsibility, loyalty, empathy and no doubt many more. But if just one of them falls down, the balance of the relationship changes. If it changes too much then the relationship fails and we all feel the heartache and pain that goes with it.
For this reason, it is important not to let those little niggles turn into massive chasms in the relationship. It’s much easier to prevent than to try to repair. This is where the spiritual advice on negativity comes in; remember, like attracts like. (Please refer to an earlier blog article I did on karma). It’s okay to have a huge argument, so long as it is actually constructive and you both know when to stop. It is okay to be angry with your partner, so long as you both calm down after. If not, those arguments and even the smallest of niggles can become huge; what you used to find a sweet little habit your partner has can easily turn into the biggest annoyance EVER! This is when the red flags should be noticed and acted on.
You prevent this from happening by setting basic ground rules. They may seem silly when you read them, but they do work. However, you both have to adhere to them to stop the negativity running away wildly and growing. It encourages positivity in, as you both know you are letting go of the negativity. Please remember that you should not have an ego with those you love, you should not try to control those you love and you should always strive to make your partnet feel valued, loved and nurtured. If you want to make them feel vulnerable and unloved, you do not love them. If you do not make each other feel valued and loved, you are in the wrong relationship, or your relationship has to change. Love is not hard; it is easy so long as you value your love.
Ground rules time. They say never go to bed on a row. That one is almost impossible to do. We have all done it. So, I add to this piece of advice: “Try to never go to bed on a row, but if you do, never wake up in a row.” Have the agreement that the following day you will just get up like nothing has happened and continue to love each other.
The reason for this is simple. In an argument we all strive to make our point, as we believe our opinion to be right and the others wrong. How about looking at this way instead: The chances are you are both right and therefore there’s no point in arguing. Just accept that you don’t agree, have a cuddle and move on. Even if the night before you were all four corners of the duvet sleeping in your top drawers, do not wake up in a row. Sometimes both opinions are right and just because they are different it doesn’t mean that one of them is wrong.
Sometimes the arguments can become very heated. This is bad, not good. Have an agreement that you will both indicate to the other when you are in what is the destructive part of an argument and agree to step away and both go to different rooms. Have a rule that you both stay there until you are calmer and do not carry on the controversial discussion that day. When you or your partner find yourself arguing like this, just leave it; destructive arguments do exactly that: Destroy. When we’re calm we look at things differently and therefore the negativity cannot destroy partnerships that we should protect, value and nurture.
We all need to feel love, so why work to destroy it? If you find that special someone, please hold onto them tightly and try to work through things, but on the flip side if they are not on the same page as you, consider your next moves in life. Life goes by far too quickly to waste time in a negative space. If you do have to move away from a situation, it’s important to remember that eventually you will heal; in time we all do. We evolve, we learn from the past and therefore even a relationship breakdown is still another lesson learnt. We are always rewarded for the lessons learned. This is another reason why you should never regret the past if you can learn from it. That past is what makes you the person you are today, hopefully someone who has emotional intelligence and can love freely, maturely and unconditionally.
Deep post I know, but one that I hope is thought provoking.
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