7 Ways To Help You Through Your Grief
Loss is, sadly, an inevitable part of the human experience. Whether it is the death of somebody close, a pet, a job loss, or a break up with a romantic partner, we will all, at some point, have to mourn the absence of something or somebody who hoped would be in our lives forever. Here in the UK we are mostly expected to pick up the pieces of our lives and quite swiftly carry on. On this basis, I see many people walking around with unexpressed grief; sometimes from a while ago, sometimes decades. Baggage like this leads to energy blocks, which in turn create ill health mentally, physically and spiritually. To help this, I would like to share with you all the incredible healing techniques that I have learned, and am still learning, from my peers, my research and my own experiences.
1. Express and allow the tears to flow
It sounds so obvious doesn't it! Amazingly though, many find this first and most integral step the most difficult, especially here in the UK where residual effects of 'the stiff upper lip' attitude still filter through from past generations and cultural expectations.
Funerals were designed as a ceremony which allows us to mourn our losses and yet so many people stand there trying to hold it together and ensure things go smoothly. Families, who have lost somebody dear, will spend hours preparing a spread, or an adequate party for others who were not as close to the person who has died. Doesn't this seem a little backwards? Maybe we should postpone the party and the celebration of the person who has died, until after the shock has worn off? The truth is, grief is a form of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and this takes a while to recover from, most of us are only going through the motions of life in time for the funeral. We should be crying, wailing and expressing our pain at the ceremony, not pretending to be okay, or blocking our feelings to host a lavish party.
It doesn't matter what other people think, as the saying goes; those who care understand and those who do not understand do not care. Use the funeral to feel your loss and choose a wake which suits the needs of those who are in mourning.
2. Talk about it
I know that in the modern world there are not that many good listeners left, in fact a lot of my client base as a psychic tarot reader and astrologer seem to come to me largely because they are lonely. They don't have a partner who is really interested in their feelings, or a best friend who gives their full attention in conversation without checking their phone. Overall people have more 'friends' now and a greater sense of loneliness. We are taught in the workplace that everybody is replaceable, but by trying to bring this attitude into our personal lives we isolate and maim the very essence of our souls.
Never try to forget somebody who is no longer in your life, pretending they didn't exist will not heal you. Denial will only cause blocks in your energy field and by failing to acknowledge happy memories, you are also expressing a lack of desire to experience more wonderful times. Remember, we attract what we give out. If you show gratitude and appreciation for times gone by, then similar happiness will come into your life sooner. There are kind, loving souls out there who will be there for you, who may have been through similar circumstances. Seek them out, share your feelings, even go to a grief circle, or find an online community. Communicating is so helpful for healing and processing loss, and if all else fails, remember animals understand. Your pets will always be there for you.
3. Allow those who have passed to communicate with you
I was once asked by a work colleague, “If my Grandfather wanted to pass on a message to me from the spirit world, why would he come through you, or somebody else? Why wouldn't he communicate to me?” My answer was, “he could already be communicating to you, but you are choosing not to listen.”
So often we are laughed at, or opposed if we admit to believing anything that cannot be verified by science, or physical evidence. It becomes so that people are not only scared to talk about it, they also begin to talk themselves out of having had very real and often tangible experiences. The one thing I have noticed, as somebody who is interested in and involved in esoteric sciences, is that pretty much everybody has a story that they cannot explain. As soon as they learn that they are talking to somebody confidential and non-judgemental, I am told the most fascinating tales, often by the same people who will laugh at or talk down another for mentioning anything along the same lines!
The point is, if it is real to you, then that is real enough. There is no need to explain or prove yourself. Allow the small things to provide you with comfort. Make it your own secret with yourself and perhaps one or two close friends that you can trust, and take comfort in such.
Spirits will give you messages and they will often be in the form of symbols which are relevant to you personally, or links that you shared with the person when they were still alive. For instance, my father and I both loved animals and found them so funny that on the times that I ask for his support, it often will arrive in the form of comedic birds, or protective cats, other times it will be a whole trail of white feathers. His communication arrives in a form that I associate with him and as somebody who told us laughter was very important, it is only natural that humour is alive in his messages.
4. Know that you will meet again
This one may be difficult for some of you to accept, depending upon your beliefs, but I am so sure that we continue to exist in spirit form and are re-born, that I cannot leave this out. Believe whatever helps you best deal with the human experience, as it may be what gets you through the tough times.
Being “right” or having “evidence” doesn't really help us much when we are rock bottom. A bit of pride or text book validation does not heal the soul, it merely feeds the ego. Faith however, is very healing and helpful. Holding on to a sense that things will be okay, and that there is something after we die, may seems trite to some, but those who believe are happier, healthier and far better at creating loving relationships that those who are cynical and reductionist. Maybe you have noticed this too?
There are far too many mundane documentations of reincarnation for it be ruled out, although it is sadly the more outlandish stories of people claiming to be Cleopatra that sell newspapers. Most reincarnation cases are very ordinary and if you want to learn more just pick up a book from Dr Brian Weiss. He was once a sceptic, who had to change direction when the evidence was overwhelming in regards to people being reborn. Knowing that you will meet those you love again, is a comfort which makes it possible for us to be in a state of gratitude, rather than spend our lives wallowing in self-pity over our losses.
5. Allow yourself time to rest
When we are recovering from loss, we will often have a mild version of PTSD and some of these symptoms will be present. It is important to recognise that this has a massive effect on the nervous system and also a knock on effect on the immuno-health. Pay heed to the signals from your body at this time, try to keep your diet simple and healthy, take extra vitamins (supplementing is advisable) and if you need to sleep a lot then allow yourself the time to. Short-term health issues are common when the body has had a big shock, these can be simple inflammatory responses causing aches and/or infections, or can bring about more serious types of symptoms which require medical consultation. The body is weakened at this time and often is just forcing us to relax more. Some people will suffer from memory loss, anxiety and panic attacks after a loss. Again, this is the body telling us that we need to limit our activities for a while. Try not to worry or fret, recognise that this is normal and know that our bodies are just trying to help us to heal as quickly as possible. Seek medical attention if you are concerned of course - stress is genuinely bad for our health after all - but also know that with rest, tears, hugs and great nutrition, you will be just fine.
Statistically more people do leave the earth plane at this time of year, and for many winter becomes a time which is synonymous with loss and feeling the sorrow of those who are no longer with us. I hope the suggestions above help you to get to a point where you can celebrate the wonderful people that we have loved and who we will be reunited with once again, when our time comes.
Finally, and importantly, do try to be present in the moment. Appreciate those who are with us in our lives. I shall not be so cliché as to suggest you live each day as if it's your last, but I do believe it is important to be truly present with those we care about. Appreciate them and most importantly listen to them. Listening and accepting one another is a very simple but integral way to express love.
Wishing you all peace, love, faith and joy. Blessings.
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