Guest Speaker

Starting A Relationship Right

Starting A Relationship Right


Many times, I am asked by callers, who are in relationships (or want to be in relationships) how they can make them work.

A healthy relationship takes work. Being in a relationship does not mean you’ll never get into a disagreement with your partner.  To the contrary, if you stay with someone long enough, you will most assuredly have heated moments. However, you will know how to properly engage with them and how to maneuver through these moments without lashing out at each other.

Being in a harmonious relationship means from the very beginning there needs to be boundaries each party needs to be clear on what those boundaries are and what they can and cannot do. It is very important that guidelines be established early on, because if you fail to do this, then it will be much harder to gain control of the reins when the horse has already become wild.

When I first met the man, I’ve been with for 22 years, the first thing I said is I think you’re cute, but if you ever treat me wrong, I’m gone.  I made it clearly early on, what I would not tolerate.

Being in a relationship also means you need to be aware of not only you but of the person whom you wish to be in a relationship with.  Karma plays a big part in whether you’ll be in a happy relationship.  There are several factors that play into whether this relationship will be suitable in the eyes of karma.

If you are unhappy in your marriage and then begin to engage in a relationship with a married man, you are not considering his family, how this affect her and the kids.  When they see their mother crying because she suspects that her husband is cheating on her, you are contributing to another person’s pain! This is not going to lead to good karma!

Think about it: Wow would you feel if you found out that the man you took vows to love, to honor for better for worse in sickness and in health, the man you started a family with and stood by in good times and in bad was cheating on you. Both parties are to blame, the cheater and the one who is engaged in the cheating, not just the man; both of you are responsible because what you are not seeing is the pain that you are inflicting onto an innocent person who did nothing to you. Karma does not take kindly to those who intentionally harm another person.

Now picture another scenario.  Imagine you have separated or divorced from your husband and have been seeing a man who is single for several months.  You are both very close and you are now thinking of taking it to the next level. You introduce each other to your families and keep them in the loop about how this relationship is moving forward.  Karma blesses it.  He could even be divorced, but on good terms with his ex, who has also moved on and found her true love. You all meet for dinner there are no hard feelings everyone is happy with how everything worked out.

No one was harmed everyone accepted everyone else, because they did things properly. They did not get involved while married. They waited until each one was divorced and available.

Twenty-two years ago, when I really wanted to be in a relationship, I made sure that the person who I was with was unattached. No kids, not married, not in the midst of a messy divorce. I did not want any drama from the ex or the kids. I wanted him all to myself and so I made sure he was available! Twenty-two years later we’re still together. Does this mean we never had problems? No.  As a matter of fact we did split for three months. During that time, I was with someone else.  But this is not the same as if we were married and as if I were meeting this person behind his back.  I moved out, from his home, and into my own apartment and blocked my then ex from even calling me. I began to see the mover and we became very close.

When my ex wanted to become part of my life again, I had conditions. Eventually he did move back in, but that didn’t happen right away and he stayed at his father’s house for at least a year.

My point is, if you want to be in a happy relationship, you cannot harm anyone intentionally. That means you cannot disrupt a marriage, because then your karma is tainted and you take that contamination with you into your new relationship and toxify it. It’s as if you fall into mud, and you put on a clean shirty. That clean shirt is now a muddy shirt. The same principle applies to relationships.  If you get into it with dirty feet knowing that what you’re doing is wrong and can have consequences, each action is going to get you even dirtier.  Because you did not come into this clean.

Relationships are like Yoga studios, before one enters a yoga studio you must leave your problems at home and you must take of your shoes and come into the studio with a positive outlook or you will spread negativity in the entire class.

Same principal in a relationship, you cannot say that you are blameless if you are carrying on with someone who is married; you are contributing to the pain and heartache of another individual and their family, and no one gives you that right.

Finally, the feeling of euphoria does not come from another person. Other people do not make us feel good.  Those feelings are the result of our soul being fulfilled, when we achieve a sense of elevation. When we advance in some way.

When you learn something about yourself, you feel euphoria.

When you find peace with yourself you find euphoria.

When you find joy in life’s little blessings, you find euphoria.

This is a gift and no one else can give it to you. It comes from inside you.

I hope this helps you. This is not meant as a judgment or a criticism. These are simply guidelines on how to improve your life and move your relationships in the right direction.

Thanks for reading,

Fairy Queen - 600171

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