It’s time to pay attention to the language of love and the personality you reveal when you're part of a couple. Why? It's simple: The ways you and your man behave can expose signs that prove if you two have what it takes for the long-term. To help you figure it all out, relationship expert Cal Orey hooked up with psychiatrist Mark Goulston, M.D., author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship (Putnum), and put together a personality quiz to get you going. Go ahead and answer the following questions (and get your guy to do the same) and you'll be on your way to finding out how your styles may mesh or clash in long-lasting romance!
1. At parties you....
A. often argue with your lover.
C. engage in stimulating conversation with other couples.
D. mingle and flirt with other people.
2. If your man asks you to do something you dislike, you...
A. voice your opinion on why you'd rather pass.
B. just do it and enjoy helping him out.
C. disappear faster than a bolt of lightning.
3. During an argument, you...
A. say "You did this" and "You did that."
B. say "I'm having a problem with this and we need to work it out."
C. say "I'm tired. Let's discuss later."
4. On your idea vacation with your man...
A. you play hard during the day and hit romantic spots at night.
B. you do a lot of sightseeing together.
C. you partake in separate activities and squeeze in meals for two.
5. How many times per week do you want to together and romantic?
A. Morning, Noon and Night.
B. Once every weekend.
C. Twice a week if the mood is right for you.
6. When your man says "I love you," you say...
A. "Me too."
B. "I love you too."
C. "Uh-huh."
7. On your day off, you...
A. do some dare-devil type activity solo or with your partner.
B. enjoy spending time together with your partner.
C. want some along time, away from your partner.
8. When you invite your partner to a work-related event...
A. your own relationship issues upstage your work.
B. you have plenty of Kodak moments.
C. they're a no-show.
9. After an uncomfortable family event, you...
A. accuse your lover of not taking care of business.
B. ask, "Why did you behave the way you did?"
C. say, "You're making a big deal out of nothing."
10. When you two select a movie, you ...
A. choose your favourite kind of film and criticize your lover if they don't enjoy it.
B. choose a film that combines action and romance.
C. go along with your lover's choice and pretend to be satisfied.
11. You forget your lover's birthday and make it up by...
A. throwing a big surprise bash.
B. making dinner reservations at their fave restaurant.
C. not mentioning you blew it and hope the mistake will blow over.
12. A night of romance to you is...
A. loads of French kisses.
B. good conversation followed by one sweet kiss.
C. a quick hug and kiss and catching the next flight out of town.
SCORING: YOUR PERSONALITY TYPES
Add up the numbers of As, Bs and Cs and find out your personality in love...
Mostly A's: The Volcano: You are passionate, honest and straightforward to a fault. "Volcanos feel more cantered when they are in a relationship and controlling it," details Dr. Gouston. You also are emotionally expressive with a capital "E" but you tend to hide heartfelt feelings. "Often the volcanic personality is a terrific match for someone who likes directness," adds Dr. Goulston. Thus, you are not shy in the romance department–no way! You tell it like it is.
Mostly B's The Lover-Friend: You are more easygoing and more cantered. You have a lot more common sense in relationships than the other two personality types. "You will know what things are worth arguing about and what things are worth letting go," points out Dr. Goulston. After all, you're flexible and your general mode of operation is to be calm, receptive, and understanding to your partner, he adds. And, you will likely be a good best friend to your mate.
Mostly C's: The Dodger: You will do anything to keep the peace–arguments aren't in your vocabulary. "You will act and say whatever is necessary to stop a conflict from escalating," says Dr. Goulston. When you are face-to-face with a volcanic person you will shut down or flee and you're sensitive to anyone trying to control or crowd you, Dr. Goulston adds. While you like being involved in a relationship, you value your personal space. Read: separate rooms are a must-have.
Couple Combinations
Once you understand your (and your man's) personality type in a couple, it's time to discover if you and your mate are compatible for the long haul. Here, Dr. Goulston breaks it down . . .
* The Volcano + The Volcano. With two Volcanos, you'll have a lot communication, passion and excitement. However, it may feel like a War of the Roses movie–so prepare for heated arguments and intense makeup periods.
* The Volcano + The Lover-Friend. The nurturing Lover-Friend is going to have more tolerance for The Volcanic periods and they won't take it personally to prevent arguments. But beware, The Lover-Friend will eventually tire for the unpredictable volcanic personality and may bail out.
* The Volcano + The Dodger. For The Dodger, it seems like a marriage made in heaven because they have found someone who won't let anyone walk over them–from waiters to bosses. The honeymoon is over when The Volcano begins to take charge of the passive-avoidant Dodger.
* The Lover-Friend + The Lover Friend. If you're both Lover-Friends, you'll find you've got the best of both worlds. You'll be best of friends–a key to becoming soul mates. However, you both may crave more passion in and out of the romance department--and must revamp your routine to avoid temptation.
* The Lover-Friend + Dodger. The upside is that The Dodger will feel safe and may display a healthy multi-dimensional relationship personality. The downside is no matter what The Lover-Friend does, The Dodger believes that it is not good enough and may sabotage the relationship.
* The Dodger + The Dodger. If you're both Dodgers, you'll find that this arrangement can work well for people who are very busy in their careers. You'll enjoy being a couple without emotional ties–but neither of you really need that. But stay busy or you'll have to see there isn't a real bond.