Guest Speaker

Love Issues - Unrequited Love

Five Signs You’re About To Be Dumped–And What To Do About It

I get this question asked by men more times than not. "Is it over?" Yes and no. The good news: If you learn to spot the signals that she’s itching to leave, however, you might prevent unrequited (one-sided) love, a breakup and build a more solid relationship. Do keep an eye out for these clues. (These signs work for men--and women--pondering if the relationship is done like burnt toast.)

1. She/he starts looking unkempt. Is there a dramatic deterioration of her grooming? “The first sign your woman is going to dump you is that she stops wearing good lingerie and quits shaving her legs,” says E. Jean Carroll, advice columnist. “This often means she doesn’t feel sexy and doesn’t care if she pleases you.”
You can . . . find small ways to please her. Revitalize her sensual side and make her feel more desirable. Be free with compliments. Buy her a fun, meaningful gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive, either. Carroll recommends a gift certificate for a spa treatment.

2. Her/his lovemaking fizzles. When a woman takes off her clothes, she removes her protective armor. When the armor returns, take note. “Watch out if passionate and uninhibited lovemaking suddenly becomes more rigid,” Bloomfield says. “Making excuses or constantly saying ‘Not now’ is a signal that she doesn’t feel safe feeling out of control with you."
You can . . . ask yourself whether you’ve betrayed her trust. If you have, apologize and do your best to restore her faith in your relationship. Make intimate plans, even if you haven’t breached her trust. “And that doesn’t mean sex,” says Kathleen Mojas, a clinical psychologist in Beverly Hills, California. “It means having fun again and connecting with each other.” If you both enjoy tennis, play. If you like sailing–well, captain, sail. Fun, shared experiences breed intimacy and can shine up a lackluster love life.

3. She’s/He's always angry. When even your breathing sends her into fits, your days are numbered. “If her temper, attention span and conversations suddenly become abrupt, she may be trying to sabotage the relationship,” Carroll says.
You can . . . let her vent. Go ahead, it’ll clear the air. It may be she’s made at someone or something else–or she might just be angry with you. Try to resolve the issues together. If she continues to act like a snapping turtle, make a move. “Leave her alone and go date someone else,” Carroll advises.

4. She’s/He's unavailable. She starts giving one-word answers, and usually the word isn’t “yes.” The cuddling and eye contact are gone, too. Maybe she insists on doing things by herself, spending weekends separately and so on. “This is an obvious giveaway that she’s checked out emotionally or even physically,” Mojas says. “She’s creating distance.”
You can . . . talk about your feelings without accusing her of anything–she could just be swamped at work. Tell her you miss her companionship. Let her know how much she means to you and how much you value the relationship. As a last resort, Carroll says, “Encourage her to go and do what she has to do.”

5. Suddenly she’s/He's a critic. She used to love your closet full of Gap. She raved about your lime-zested shrimp risotto. Now she gripes about your wardrobe and ranks your kitchen skills below those of the McDonald’s fry guy. Or worse, she gripes about your culinary skills and rates your wardrobe below the fry guy’s. “She doesn’t care what you think anymore, so she’s letting her real feelings show,” Carroll says. Since she’s probably already planning an exit, what does she have to lose? You can . . . keep your pride.
You can decide whether you want to stay or leave. But you shouldn’t drag out the heartbreak unnecessarily. “Don’t let women treat you badly,” Carroll says. “If a woman is ready to dump you, let her go." Your ego will thank you.

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