I gave this some thought and I decided the best way to explain this blog was to share what happened to me about eighteen years ago, so I was in my thirties and I had just made a new friend, her name was Heather, she and I became very close, we talked on the phone every day and on weekends we slept at each other’s homes, I even introduced her to my then new boyfriend.
The similarities between us were actually kind of creepy. I had a history of seizures and so did she, I was under control with medication and so was she, I had a Packard Bell computer and so did she. We both loved Disney and goofed around like a couple of kids, then something happened and to this day I still cannot explain it. Several years went by and I felt as though I was growing as a person and yet she wasn't. She still acted like the first day we met very immature and not really focused on the future. I tried sharing with her some books that helped me to have a more positive outlook, but she refused to read them, then you need to remember I saw things differently because I had overcome death, I had survived a brain tumor and so my outlook in life was more appreciative and not taking anything for granted.
Heather's was angrier with the world and how dare the world and God give her seizures to begin with. I would ask why she was not more thankful that she was now cured but she was bitter and angry and then her anger turned against me, one day she said to me “Ever since you had that stupid brain tumor you think you are holier than God!” First of all I did not ask to have a brain tumor I was diagnosed with one because I was suffering severe headaches. But explaining that to her was pointless.
As I mentioned earlier she used to spend some weekends at my house and so she knew my father, I still had her number and after the death of my father I called her, he did love her and she loved him, or so I thought, I said to her that my father just died and her response was “Oh, sorry.” I was shocked and hurt and the fact that her mother came to the funeral but not her, was even more telling.
It was then I decided this was a poisonous person and good karma to her but I wanted her entirely out of my life, and deleted her number from my contacts. We have not ever spoken since.
I tried several times to see if she had grown and resuscitate the friendship, but it went nowhere, she is involved with a bunch of airheads and acts like she is a child, so I decided that she was not going to be my best friend anymore she lost that right the day she insulted me and my father. Sometimes even though it’s hard, you need to let people go, there are those who come into our lives for a reason and they remain and others who come into our lives for a season and as quickly as they come in, so do they pass and we don't see them anymore.
I sometimes miss the silly antics that Heather and I did, but I'm not the same person, and now we have nothing to talk about, I can't talk about work, she's not working, I can't talk about relationships she refused to introduce me to her supposedly fiancé who personally I think is a midget and sadly is shorter than her.
There was a time when we called each other up on our birthdays and wished each other a happy birthday, mine was last month, she did not call, hers is this month and I don't even have her number anymore. We cannot hold on to something that is contaminated and drains us, and unfortunately that was the turn that our relationship took, my best friend now used to say Heather lives on planet Heather, which is her way of saying she has a super-sized ego and she's right, that girl went from funny to mean-spirited and making every little thing about her.
The point I am trying to make here is you cannot hold on to something that is dead already and that is causing you pain, friendships are about energy exchange, you give them energy and they give you energy. You have their backs and they have yours, it’s not about ridicule and insults and harming someone or ignoring someone when they really need you. The way she did after the death of my father.
Yes we grow as people and sometimes like in my case we grow out of relationships and they no longer serve us, you'll know when you have outgrown a relationship, because it feels more stale and imbalanced more one sided, you'll feel like you are doing all the giving and they are doing all the taking.
I hope this serves as a guide so that you know when it’s time to say goodbye and when it’s time to walk away, sometimes it’s just not worth saving.