At the end of an amazing date, Debbie caressed Jon’s chest and nervously broke the news. “You’re very special to me, but it’s over,” she said. “I’ve found somebody else.” Jon was stunned. “After six months of great romance, I figured Debbie had commitment on her mind,” he recalls. “Instead, I got the big kiss-off.”
Shocked as Jon was, chances are he could have seen it coming. If you learn to spot the signals that she’s itching to leave, however, you might prevent a breakup and build a more solid relationship. Keep an eye out for these clues.
- She starts looking like a slob. Is there a dramatic deterioration of her grooming? “The first sign your woman is going to dump you is that she stops wearing good lingerie and quits shaving her legs,” says E. Jean Carroll, advice columnist. “This often means she doesn’t feel sexy and doesn’t care if she pleases you.”
You can . . . find small ways to please her. Revitalize her sensual side and make her feel more desirable. Be free with compliments. Buy her a fun, meaningful gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive, either. Carroll recommends a gift certificate for a spa treatment.
- Her lovemaking fizzles. When a woman takes off her clothes, she removes her protective armour. When the armour returns, take note. Be aware if passionate and uninhibited lovemaking suddenly becomes more rigid, relationship gurus will tell you. “Making excuses or constantly saying ‘I've got a headache' is a signal that she doesn’t feel safe feeling out of control with you.
You can . . .ask yourself whether you’ve betrayed her trust. If you have, apologize and do your best to restore her faith in your relationship. Make intimate plans, even if you haven’t breached her trust. If you like sailing–well, captain, sail. Fun, shared experiences breed intimacy and can shine up a lacklustre love life.
- She’s always angry. When even your breathing sends her into fits, your days are numbered. “If her temper, attention span and conversations suddenly become abrupt, she may be trying to sabotage the relationship,” Carroll says.
You can . . . let her vent. Go ahead, it’ll clear the air. It may be she’s made at someone or something else–or she might just be angry with you. Try to resolve the issues together. If she continues to act like a snapping turtle, make a move. “Leave her alone and go date someone else,” Carroll advises.
- She’s unavailable. She starts giving one-word answers, and usually the word isn’t “yes.” The cuddling and eye contact are gone, too. Maybe she insists on doing things by herself, spending weekends separately and so on. “This is a giveaway that she’s checked out emotionally or even physically,” She's purposely creating distance.
You can. . . Attempt to have the talk but chances are avoidance will happen. Stay strong. Think of her as a fickle cat. Back off. Let her come to you. Translation: Act indifferent and it may blow over, be a phase, or not. Get a Plan B in order.
- Suddenly she’s a critic. She used to love your closet full of Gap. She raved about your lime-zested shrimp risotto. Now she You can . . .talk about your feelings without accusing her of anything–she could just be swamped at work. Tell her you miss her companionship. Let her know how much she means to you and how much you value the relationship.
As a last resort, Carroll says, “Encourage her to go and do what she has to do.” Or worse, she gripes about your culinary skills and rates your wardrobe below the fry guy’s. “She doesn’t care what you think anymore, so she’s letting her real feelings show,” Carroll says. Since she’s probably already planning an exit, what does she have to lose?
You can . . .keep your pride. You can decide whether you want to stay or leave. But you shouldn’t drag out the heartbreak unnecessarily. “Don’t let women treat you badly,” Carroll says. “If a woman is ready to dump you, let her go."