Are you a People Pleaser? Or are you a Taker? Or something in between?
Are you someone who goes around wanting people to like you, or show that you have their acceptance?
Are you someone who goes around trying to please others so that they accept you or you avoid their moods?
Are you someone who always apologises for things that are not even your fault or are out of your control?
Are you someone who tries to fix everyone else’s problems and issues?
Do you sometimes feel like you are being selfish as you haven’t done something for somebody, even if you couldn’t or didn’t have time?
If this is the case, PLEASE STOP.
I will almost guarantee you that you are a beautiful person, who brings joy to the world and you should recognise that.
You should see that you are not responsible for how others act, behave, speak. They are.
You are not responsible for things that go wrong in other people’s lives. They are.
You are not responsible for their happiness. They are.
It is not your place to fix everyone else’s issues. It’s theirs.
People Pleasers are often taken advantage of by those that are selfish, as they sense that someone who wants to please will do anything to make them happy.
Please see that you are responsible only for your own words, actions and behaviour. You should try to please yourself in the first instance, as by trying to please others first, you are neglecting yourself. That is not being selfish; it is being true to yourself. You cannot help others that are in genuine need of help if you are too burnt out or spend your time trying to please everyone else.
I am an advocate of kindness, but you should only be kind to those that deserve kindness and those that need the kindness … not those that demand it from you and never do anything good back.
And for those that are reading this who take advantage of a People Pleaser, remember this: If you continue to drain them and make it all about you, the last thing you will remember about them is their back as they walk away from you. As that will happen one day.
The Takers of this world do just that. Take … but they never admit that they simply take.
They feel entitled.
They feel that others should always do their best for them but they only do the bare minimum for others.
They drain others and leave the person they have just dumped their issues on when they feel better.
Life if always about them and never about anyone else.
They automatically put themselves first and would never have to be told to put themselves first.
Unfortunately, with these kinds of people, it’s difficult to make them see that all they do is take. Very selfish. Yes, they can change but only after several losses, several occasions of People Pleasers walking away from them.
Middle of the Road.
These are those that let others get on with their lives and do not interfere, except when asked to.
These kinds of people both give and take naturally.
They are the People Pleasers and the Takers who have learnt.
They know when to give and when then to step back.
They will help anyone but not anyone who is not willing to help themselves.
The Middle of the Road kind of people have learnt the life lessons of being fair, not selfish but also not seeking acceptance of others … as they accept themselves. One example I’ve come across of the middle ground was a case of two friends who fell out over some loaned CD’s
One man asked a friend if he could loan some CD’s … he said yes. The borrower (we shall call Dave) took several to a value of around £150. He didn’t return them for months. When the man who loaned them (We shall call Andy) asked for them back, Dave claimed somebody had stolen them. There was talk of the alleged thief being dealt with by Police but even though Andy asked for details, Dave wasn’t forthcoming. Andy had his doubts that there was even a thief. A short time went by and Andy realised that his so called friend … Dave … only ever took, never gave and always expected to be given whatever he asked for. Dave then asked to borrow Andy’s carpet cleaner (his wife had one). He’d been told by his landlord that if he didn’t clean them in the next 24 hours, he was told he would lose his deposit. The shock on Dave’s face when he was refused, (and yes, he lost his deposit) was worth way more than the CDs. The friendship fell apart, but Andy did not mourn the loss of the friendship and to Dave it was Andy’s fault he lost his deposit. Andy was a middle of the road kind of person and Dave was a taker. Names have been changed for privacy.
I have no doubt that the person reading this could add to the list of behaviours, but I hope that this article helps those that look to please too much and neglect themselves in the process. Hopefully it will help those that take all the time see that to give back equally is rewarding. And for those that are in the middle, I hope it motivates them to continue to give and take equally.
Life is about balance and when one takes and does not give, or when one gives and does not take, it is totally one sided and out of balance. This is where the issues arise.
I hope these musings give you something to consider and help you self-reflect and develop. After all that is what we are down here to do.