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Vivian

Avoiding Denial In Relationships

In a reading, it can be very tricky to point out the inevitable when it comes to relationships.  Most people feel that they know everything about their partner and their relationship and it is their partner, timing or some external influence that is causing issues in the relationship. Other people who have broken up in a relationship are counting the minutes until they are reunited with their ex, even though they may be the one who broke up the relationship.  The story is always rewritten after the fact, so people tend to remember the situation differently then it truly existed.  So, how can one deal with the reality of their relationship and move on to healthy solid footing in their relationship or in a new relationship.

The first thing you need to do is make sure you are happy with who are.  Do you like yourself?  Are there changes you want to make in yourself and your environment?  The next thing is to be clear about what kind of person you want to be with.  Be clear about what you need, because otherwise you tend to settle and then constantly find fault with what or who you have settled with.  It is important to make sure that they are looking for the kind of person you are, but that isn’t your responsibility.  Your responsibility is being true to yourself.  What does this mean?  When I read people and they ask how their partner is feeling or what does their partner want?  I tell them that isn’t your concern.  Your concern is how are you feeling about your partner?  How are you feeling about the relationship?  What do you want?  Are you being true to yourself with pureness of heart?  Meaning you are in the relationship with the best of intentions, not to use the other person.  If you don’t feel right or are not happy, then you need to make changes. Remember you can’t make someone into the right person or go in thinking you will change them because you won’t.  If you want to change for them, that is another story.  Accepting your partner with the good and the not so good is really the name of the game.

When someone breaks up with their partner because of major issues and then asks if they will get back together with them, the first question I pose to them.  Are the issues resolved that caused you to break up to begin with?  The answer is usually “no”.  The next question is have you changed your mind about the issues that broke you up?  The answer is usually “no.”  So, I ask them if they really want to get back together. They are thinking that their ex will have miraculously changed for them, which is never the result. This is a hard situation because they relive the good in their mind and not the things that broke them up. 

Finding the right person is also letting the right person find you.  Let love flow and let the right person come into your life.  Be open to the possibilities and try not to dwell on relationships from the past, especially the ones that didn’t work or didn’t end well.  Remember when looking for the right connection you need to be specific, “be careful what you wish for, you could get your wish”.  Being precise can bring you the person of your dreams and staying on course allow the fulfilment of your relationship desires.

 

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